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Archive for the ‘overcoming struggles’ Category

Have you ever been confronted?  Have you ever been told that there is something that you are doing that isn’t right. Maybe not sinful but possibly just irritating, or not what someone else would do.  Have you ever been misunderstood?  It happens to me all the time, and it is happening again.

It is not a place I like to be. It is painful and it is easy to start down a path of self destructive talk. That is right where satan wants us isn’t it. ‘We are not worthy’, he says.  What does God say?  I love you.  You are mine.  What does God want me to hear right now? How would God want me to respond?  What is it I am supposed to take from this?  What is the truth?

Those are the questions going through my head right now. It is what keeps me up late at night.  I am choosing to be quiet for now and try to listen because surely some day I will actually learn something and these types of situations will stop coming my way.  Right now I must obey, and say “I trust you” and be thankful that God finds me worthy enough to want to teach me something.  It’s all I can do.

Susan

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Several years ago I met a sweet pregnant lady who was at my church with her family on furlough.  They are missionaries in Poland.  We became friends. We prayed for each other across the miles and oceans.  She always made an effort to see me when they were in town.  Today I got a call from her asking if we could get together for a visit while they were in town. Of course I said yes.  We had a lot of catching up to do.  As I sat with her and shared the things the Lord has brought me through over the last couple of years, I felt compassion, understanding and love. There was not chit chat.  We had an hour and a half and our talk turned intimate very quickly.  I had no idea the flood of emotions that would pour out as I shared my life with her. After all, I am better, aren’t I?  I have dealt with things right?  If so, why such raw emotion?  Do we ever really get past the difficult parts of life?  I hope so.  I’d like to know that I am healthier, spiritually, emotionally and relationally.  I would like to think that I have learned something through the difficult times, that there is growth.  While in someways it was difficult to visit the hard times today it was a good reminder that I am still weak. That  I cannot be strong on my own.  That I need a Savior and that I have one who loves me and carries the weight of my burdens, if only I will ask Him.

Susan

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in the christian circles. Everybody has an opinion on how they think about depression. I find that if you understand it you have likely had it at some point in your life or are close to someone who has. There are many people who frankly don’t understand it and I find in christian circles there can be great misconceptions about depression and its causes. Many christians will say that if you have enough faith then God will heal you. Some say depression is a sign of unconfessed sin, unresolved anger or forgiveness (I in fact believe this can be the case in certain situations). Others say that you are not walking with God if you have depression. I believe that unless you have gone through it yourself you cannot understand depression or how it effects a person. It can look different in different people. It isn’t something an outsider can necessarily see, like a broken leg. Many people walk around with depression and others never know they have it. It can be a completely hidden disease/syndrome, what ever you want to call it. It certainly isn’t talked about.

Frankly I think it should be talked about. I think it can be helpful to many people if it were. If were were open and transparent, we can receive help from our brothers and sister in Christ. I think it is important to encourage each other and share how we may have gone through similar circumstances. This is my first installment of my depression and how it has affected me and those around me.

Susan

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I want you to quit blogging and get off that computer. I want you to put me first.

Really Lord, do I have to?

You do if you want to get better.

But can’t I put you first and still blog?

Has it worked so far?

Um, well, no, not really. I see your point.

OK. I will quit and see what happens.

This is what happened:

I felt the weight lift off my shoulders.

I felt a peace I haven’t felt in a long time.

I realized that I was in bondage.

Sin is like that. It makes you a slave to whatever is holding you down; holding you back from having a strong relationship with the Lord.

Was it hard to quit? No, it was surprisingly easy. He gave me the grace to quit, to let go of the computer and all its trappings. I felt a freedom that I hadn’t had in a long time. I never want to go to that place. I have my husband to keep me in check. Or at least I keep checking with him to see how I am doing. So far so good.

So why am I blogging again? I think I need to share this journey I am on. If for some reason at some point it isn’t right, then I will quit for good. Right now though I want to take it slow, so as not to get trapped again. I won’t post every day. I hope at least once a week but we will see. I won’t put any expectations on myself.

More later…

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Snippets

I don’t know if I can sum everything up from the last few weeks into one post so I thought I would write snippets when thoughts come to me.  I am currently reading a book that has been very helpful to me called “She’s Gonna Blow” by Julie Ann Barnhill.  This is what I read today:

Jesus Christ wants to lavish Himself upon our lives in the same way. He won’t apply “just enough” to get us by. Instead, He will heap–he will inundate–our lives with the riches of His grace and pile upon our hearts mercy so plentiful that it overflows and pools.

I thought this was good reminder for me, that when times are hard, He is still there and still ready to lavish us with the gifts he has prepared for us.  The gift of Himself as well as how He uses others in our lives to encourage us.   Don’t we need encouragement from other moms?  I know I do.

I hope I can adequately communicate what all has occured over the last few weeks.  I want to share it because I just know that I am not alone in the struggles I have and I am just sure that it will speak to another mom who might need to hear how I am getting through it.

Until next time,

Susan

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